Kathleen Burns Kingsbury is a speaker and certified professional coach, offering professional coaching, workshops, and training.

Listen to Kathleen's interview.

A friend connected Wendy and Kathleen by saying, “You two ought to know each other”. Kathleen remarked, “Women do a great job at making connections and building initial relationships. It’s the follow up of tooting your own horn that gets a little tricky for most.”

So, how did she start helping women in the topic of “tooting your own horn”?
She found that in working with women on a variety of issues, no matter how much somebody made, how much they had accomplished, what thir education level was, most - if not all - struggled with selling themselves, and they undervalued themselves. And she got sick of it! “I said, ‘Something is really wrong with this.’ And I started doing teleseminars and workshops on this topic. Women don’t want to be this way, but are socialized to be this way. I witnessed that there was a great need for women to figure out how to be comfortable promoting themselves.”

Why is this skill important?
“It really can make the difference between having a business idea and actually making the business idea go somewhere.” She uses the example of the book that she co-wrote, “If you write a book, and assume that someone will find the book – you’re going to be in trouble. You need to toot your own horn, so that you will get noticed and people can see the good work you are doing.”

What are some tips for tooting your own horn?
“I encourage people to look at the word “bragging”. Were you taught that this was bad? It is really about self-care – letting people know what you’re up to, connecting with people. Make peace with the fact that telling people what you’re up to is okay. In fact, people are so grateful, because what you offer might be just what they are looking for.”

“So, look inside your own toolbox. Write down your marketable skills – computer skills, finance, interpersonal, connecting people together, whatever it might be, what are the marketable skills that you have?”

“Also, what are your transferable skills? For example, a stay at home mom has skills that she can take from her home out into the work world. See what’s there – you might be surprised how much is there when you start to list it out.”

Wendy: People’s strengths and skills are often invisible to them. Have someone help you find them. Go out and ask five people who you respect, “What do you think my gifts and talents are?”

Kathleen agreed, “Yes. Think about it. If you’re really good at getting a bargain at an antique show, then you’ll probably be good at negotiating deals for your company. Think outside the box. What do you feel good at? What are you good at, and how that might fit in the world of work?”

Tell us about “Show and Tell”.
“We did this as kids. We’d sit in front of the class, and tell our classmates what was special to us, unique to us, what excited us? Sharing with people – what you’ve been successful at. What you’ve done that has made a difference? What is a new skill that you’ve developed? Opportunities include networking events or at work, when your boss is giving you a review – there are many opportunities. We have to do it, and have fun doing it! Give it a try in the next 24 hours and see how it feels.”

What is the impact of NOT tooting your own horn?
“What I’ve seen is that women focus too much on being nice. This makes me sad, because I have one woman I am coaching, who is wonderful, with a wonderful business idea – but she has trouble seeing herself as valued and skilled. That is a road block for her – turning this idea into something that brings her revenue, and allows her to follow her heart.”

“That is the cost – that we’re not able to follow our hearts. With practice, coaching and support of friends, you can turn that around. You don’t have to live with not being able to toot your own horn. People confuse promoting yourselves with being a used car salesman, but when you can do it right, people are thrilled to find out about what you’re doing.”

“One key to doing this right is asking for feedback. You’ll get honest feedback. Find trusted people, and do role playing. I know The Sassy Ladies promote going to networking events with someone else, so someone can witness you doing it. Get out there and practice, practice, practice. You can’t always learn things the first time, so give yourself permission to not do a good job, and do it again. You can’t do this in the comfort of your own house. Eventually you have to leave!”

Kathleen is also co-author of the book: Weight Wisdom which deals with women and their relationship to their bodies. Learn more on her websites: www.WeightWisdom.net and www.KBKConnections.com .

How to reach Kathleen:
Kathleen Burns Kingsbury, **LMHC, CPCC
Founder & President
KBK Connections, Inc.
44 Greenleaf Street
Quincy, MA 02169

Website: www.kbkconnections.com 
Phone: 617.773.2344
Email: kbk@kbkconnections.com

Kathleen spoke at the Bryant University Women in Business forum March 26, 2008.  (See details)